Reality::..Friends – season 1, based after The Pilot but before anything major happens
Rated::..PG for adult themes
Genre::..Romance, humour & drama
Characters::..Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, Monica & Ross
Pairing::..Phoebe/Joey – or Joebe, if you will
Author’s Note::..So seeing is how Phoebe & Joey never hooked up in the show I had to write it for myself. I figure that the way those two act around each other, something like this could have believably been written into the show. I tried to stay as true to the show as I could & capture the characters personalities as best as I could.
I’ve pretty much just ignored the outline of The One with the Flashback because number 1: Phoebe & Joey don’t hook up in that (unfortunately) & number 2: Kip isn’t still going out with Monica then. I just wanted to add in someone for Monica & I love the episode The One with All the Kips so I felt that maybe Kip deserved a moment in the sun.
In this second part I have explored what Joey claims is the weirdest place that he’s had sex, the public library (which he says in The One with the Blackout) as well as making a short mention to where Phoebe thinks is the weirdest place she’s had sex.
I also gave Hugsy a back story because I think that Joey having a sleeping buddy like Hugsy is just adorable & by supplying Hugsy with a Joebe back story I simply made the whole storyline cuter for myself. & I have the story of Joey getting Hugsy off of a kid, as he told Rachel when Emma wanted Hugsy for herself
Summary::..Rachel wants to hear the story of Phoebe & Joey’s relationship.
Like any normal new couple Phoebe & Joey spent a great deal of time together, especially in privacy. The heat was running high & they rarely denied it.
They were in Phoebe’s room just about to get to the fun stuff when there was a knock on her door. She groaned as Joey instantly shied away – the moment was officially ruined.
“Hey Phoebe, it’s Monica, I need to ask you a favour.” Monica’s voice said through the door.
“If it’s not eating all the food in her fridge we aren’t doing it.” Joey snapped as Phoebe got up picking her bathrobe up & tying it around herself.
She opened the door just enough so that Monica could see her. But not enough that Monica could see into her room. “Yes, how may we be helping you?”
“I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?” Monica asked.
“Yes.” Joey cried getting out of the bed quickly before he went over & stood behind Phoebe glaring at Monica. “You owe me a sandwich Gellar.”
“I don’t have any time at the moment; I have to be at work in a minute.” She told them going back to the dining room. “So Phoebe I need you to do something for me, you’re not working today, are you?”
Phoebe turned to Joey. “Should we do it?”
“We aren’t doing anything else.” He shrugged.
“Yeah well your fly is undone.” She told him before she followed Monica into the dining room.
“Okay I need you to take these books back to the library for me by the end of the day.” Monica instructed. “If you don’t I’m gonna get a late fee.”
Phoebe shrugged. “So take the late fee.”
Monica paused & then laughed. “You’re such a kidder.”
“Uh-huh.” Phoebe nodded, it was best to just agree.
Monica shouldered her bag & picked up her coat. “& when you’re at the library Ross needs you to pick up these books.”
Phoebe scoffed. “Great, because Joey & I had nothing planned for today.”
“Yeah!” Joey snapped with his hands on his hips as he stood beside Phoebe.
“It’ll only take you half-an-hour & I’ll give you money for coffee if you want.” Monica told them.
Joey & Phoebe turned to each other, Phoebe nodded & Joey shrugged turning back to Monica. “I guess we could do that.”
“Thanks.” Monica said heading toward the door. “Oh & Joey, your fly is open.”
Joey groaned the whole way to the library. “The library? Come on, why can’t Ross get his own damn books?”
“Would you quit complaining?” Phoebe asked. “We won’t be there for very long & it’s not as if we’re missing out on anything important, we were just going to have sex.”
Joey stopped as they entered the library. He gaped looking shocked & horrified. “& that’s not important?”
She laughed before pulling on his hand to get him walking again. “Come on, of course it is but this is only going to take a few minutes & then we can go have sex, I promise.”
“We better.” He stated before he looked around his eyes growing wide with fear. “Holy crap, this library is huge. I’m gonna need a map.”
“Come on, it’s not that bad.” She said.
He walked closely behind her. “Phoebe, I’m scared.”
“Don’t worry sweetie, you just hold my hand & I’ll take care of you.” She assured him.
After returning Monica’s books they had to find the books on Ross’ list. Phoebe hadn’t been in the library in a long time & Joey hadn’t even known where the library was until now. Neither of them knew where Ross’ books were & Joey was getting aggravated causing him to complain even more.
“I’m so bored.” Joey complained.
“Can you please calm down & help me find these books?” Phoebe snapped.
“Come on Pheebs, let’s just forget about it.” He said wrapping his arms around her middle & pressing a kiss on her shoulder. “You know, we were in the middle of something when Monica interrupted us, we never got to finish what we started.”
She laughed. “Yeah but we’re in the middle of something right here.”
“So…?” He asked. “We’ve been looking for the books for ages & we’re not getting any closer.”
She turned to him. “I wanna do it too but I don’t want to go all the way home & have to come back again for Ross’ books.”
“We don’t have to go home to have sex.” He told her taking both of her hands in his.
She gawked at him before she giggled feeling very giddy & excited suddenly. “Really? In the library?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, why not?”
“Oh, that’s so naughty.” She giggled.
“Yeah but we should probably find a more private spot to…” He trailed off smiling & nodding. “Hello.”
“What?” She asked turning back to see that Joey was nodding toward the ladies room. “No.” He nodded & she shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, okay. You stay here & I’ll go check if there’s anyone in there or not.”
She quickly rushed over to the ladies room & stepped in. She checked around to see that no one was standing at the basins & that there were no feet under the cubicle doors. Once she was sure that no one was in the bathroom she pulled the door open & motioned Joey in.
“Come on, quick.” She hissed as he made his way over to the room looking around.
Once she saw that he was halfway there she moved from the door & sat on the bench waiting for him. She was taking her hair out of its clasp when Joey came in smiling.
“Hey.” He said.
She grinned at him. “Hey you.”
He crossed the floor & when he reached where she stood she instantly pressed her lips us against his. She draped her arms around his neck as he put his hands on her back moving her closer to him. They kissed for a while before she pulled away.
“Oh wait, what if someone comes in & catches us?” She asked.
“Oh yeah, alright we’ll just move to a cubicle.” He replied. “That wouldn’t be weird, would it?”
She slid off the bench. “No, what are you kidding me? This is so exciting!”
“I know.” He agreed taking her hand as they went over & into the cubicle.
He closed the door, locked it & then pushed her up against it. Before their lips could meet the door creaked.
She giggled leaning against him as opposed to leaning against the door. “This is so weird.”
“Weirder than doing it in Milwaukee?” He asked.
She shrugged. “Good point.”
He stepped back so she could move away from the door. “Where else could you sit?”
“Uh…” She began looking around.
“Ooh the toilet paper dispenser thingy.” He said excitedly before picking her up & sitting her on top of it. “Is that comfortable?”
“Yeah, just let me put this leg here & I’ll put this leg around your waist &…” She paused putting her arms around his neck again & pushing herself up against him. “Oh yeah, oh I like this.”
He put his hands on the small of her back & pushed his lips against hers. It didn’t take them long to pick up right from where Monica had interrupted them.
A few minutes later a library worker entered the ladies room & made her way over to a cubicle. She was locking the door when she suddenly heard Joey cry out.
“Yes! I love the library!”
“…then a few minutes later when we were leaving the cubicle the library lady was still there & she even had a couple of security guards with her.” Phoebe told them. “So we were told to leave the library & never come back.”
While Rachel & Monica were laughing Ross had screwed his face up in disgust.
“Ew, why’d you tell that story?” Ross asked.
Phoebe shrugged. “I thought you’d already heard that story.”
“Clearly not.” Ross stated.
“I remember when you told me that story the first time.” Monica told Phoebe.
“Yes & your reaction was exactly what I’d planned for, uh-huh.” Phoebe mocked.
“That explains why you & Joey would always laugh whenever someone mentioned the library.” Ross said.
“What did you say Monica?” Rachel asked completely ignoring Ross.
“Oh, I will tell you.” Phoebe stated.
Phoebe & Joey were standing in the doorway of his apartment making out when Monica came into the hallway. Phoebe had been leaving Joey’s apartment to go back to her own so she could take a nap. But Joey had followed her out & began kissing her, which was how Monica found them.
She stood there for a few moments waiting for them to notice her & stop kissing. When they didn’t she cleared her throat & they finally broke apart. Phoebe adjusted the front of her dress while Joey tucked his shirt back into his jeans.
“Hi, I see you made it back from the library safely.” Monica said causing both Phoebe & Joey to snicker.
“I wouldn’t put it exactly like that.” Joey stated.
Phoebe giggled turning to him. “Yeah, I wouldn’t either.”
Monica looked at them suspiciously. “Okay then. Phoebe, am I even bothering cooking your dinner tonight or are you hanging out with Joey?”
“No, uh-uh I’m coming home right now.” Phoebe told her.
“Uh-huh.” Monica replied going into the apartment.
Phoebe turned to Joey. “Okay, I have to go now.”
“No.” He said pulling her back over to him so he could kiss her again.
“Yes.” She replied pulling away from him. “If I don’t go now we’ll be here all night kissing.”
He paused from leaning back in to kiss her. “I would get hungry.”
“Okay, you can come over later if you want to.” She offered giving him a short kiss before she turned & went over to her apartment. “Bye Joey.”
He rushed over to her & picked her up off of the ground. “Bye Phoebe.”
“Oh that was so romantic.” She told him curling some of her hair behind her ear before she leant in & began to kiss him.
After a few moments Monica got annoyed & cleared her throat impatiently. They stopped kissing & looked at her.
“Okay either one of you stays or you both leave.” She stated.
Joey let go of Phoebe & her feet were soon replaced on the ground. He made his way over to the door with her following him closely. “Bye Phoebe.”
“Bye Joey.” She said shyly kissing him one last time before she closed the door. She went over to the table & sat down with a heavy sigh.
Monica glanced over her shoulder at Phoebe. “You guys seem to be having a lot of fun.”
“Oh we are, he’s so sweet & fun & really sexy. It’s great.” Phoebe said.
Monica turned to her. “That’s really great sweetie, I’m happy for you.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “I’m happy for me too.”
“So where did you put Ross’ books?” Monica asked.
Phoebe turned to her. “Ross’ what?”
“The books on the list that I asked you to pick up for Ross.” Monica stated.
Phoebe paused & then she suddenly realized why she couldn’t remember picking those books up. “Dammit, I’m gonna kill Joey.”
“What happened?” Monica asked.
“He distracted me.” Phoebe replied getting up.
“How?” Monica questioned.
Phoebe sighed. “When you came in & told us that you needed us to go to the library you kind of interrupted us.”
“Ew.” Monica said.
“Yeah so when we got to the library he was still horny & we couldn’t find the books & he was getting impatient & the ladies room was empty.” Phoebe explained.
“In the library?” Monica asked.
Phoebe nodded. “Yeah.”
“Oh my God, do you guys ever stop having sex?” Monica said.
“Yes.” Phoebe replied feeling defensive.
“Really?” Monica asked. “Because it really seems like that’s all you two do.”
“Hey, we do more than that.” Phoebe stated. “We hang out, we get coffee & we talk all of time. We’re really good friends & it’s not our fault that sex is so fun.”
Monica furrowed her brow at Phoebe. “Are you sure he feels the same way?”
“Yeah well, are you sure Kip & you do more than just have sex? Because it seems like every time he’s over here you two are always in your room with the door shut.” Phoebe snapped back.
“Phoebe, Kip & I haven’t had sex in a month.” Monica stated.
Phoebe paused feeling slightly guilty. “Oh. What’s that like?”
“Clearly you wouldn’t know.” Monica said.
Phoebe snapped her bag up. “I’m gonna prove you wrong.”
“Oh really?” Monica challenged.
“Yep, I bet you that Joey & I won’t have sex all week, we’ll just spend all week talking & hanging out or whatever the hell else you & Kip do.” Phoebe explained.
“Next week is Halloween.” Monica stated.
“Then I guess Joey will be getting lucky on Halloween.” Phoebe said going over to the door, opening it, stepping out & then closing it again with a snap.
She stormed across the hall to Joey & Chandler’s apartment. She flung the door open & swung it closed with her foot. At the sound of the door slamming shut Joey turned around on the couch.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked.
“You will not believe what Monica said about us!” She snapped.
He got up quickly seeing how distressed she was. “What?”
“She said that all we ever do is have sex.” Phoebe stated.
Joey paused from trying to console her. “Alright.”
“Huh?” She asked.
“Well that’s a good thing, right?” He said.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “How?”
“We’re the sexy & fun couple.” He replied. “Nobody will think that we’re boring or some crap like that, ‘coz everyone will know that we’re hot.”
She took his hands, led him over to the stools beside the bench & sat down with him. “Even though that’s a really good point…” He shrugged bashfully. “…don’t you think that there’s more between us?”
“Oh yeah definitely.” He said. “I have so much fun hanging out with you.”
“Exactly.” She smiled. “So maybe this week we could concentrate on hanging out, strengthening our friendship you know & not having sex.”
He paused his eyes growing wide & fearful. “What? Why can’t we have sex?”
“Because we have to prove Monica wrong!” She snapped. “I’ll make it fun, I promise. We can hang out & have fun & do nice couple stuff.”
He let out a huge exaggerated breath. “Alright, I guess we could give it a try.”
“Cool.” She grinned leaning forward & hugging him. “So what are you doing right now?”
“Well I was going to drink some beers & watch Baywatch.” He told her.
“Baywatch?” She repeated. “I’ve never seen that.”
He got up. “Well you are in luck.”
They sat down on the couch together & Joey switched on the TV while Phoebe curled up beside him.
“See, isn’t this nice?” She said.
“Shh, Baywatch is on.” He ordered.
“Monica!” Rachel snapped. “That is so mean, why would you make Phoebe feel like crap like that?”
Monica shrugged rubbing her arms insecurely. “I dunno, I hadn’t had sex in a month. I was testy & I had my period.”
“Monica!” Ross snapped his face screwed up in disgust. “Come on, I don’t need to hear about this.”
“What? Mom talked about it all the time when we were in high school.” Monica stated.
Phoebe smirked. “I know why Monica was upset.”
“Really?” Ross asked before he paused & began smirking as well. “Oh yeah, I remember now.”
“What?” Rachel demanded. “I wasn’t there, I can’t remember like you guys can.”
“Monica had a crush on Joey.” Phoebe stated causing Monica’s cheeks to burn bright red.
Rachel’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God Monica.”
“Yep, she told Chandler to pick Joey as his new roommate because she thought he was a-a-a stud.” Ross told Rachel.
“Uh-huh she told me like the day that I met Joey that Chandler had a hot new roommate.” Phoebe explained. “Not only that but she described to me what she wanted to do with her tongue & his abs.”
Rachel laughed. “Oh, that is so funny. I love this story.”
“You should’ve seen how red Monica’s face went when Chandler came in & told us that Phoebe was in Joey’s room.” Ross told her.
Monica sighed holding her hands up for silence. “Alright, alright, I’ll admit it I was attracted to Joey when I first saw him. But it didn’t last very long, okay? The more I got to know him the more I realized that he was so wrong for me.”
“No, the more you got to know him the more you realized that he was in love with Phoebe.” Ross corrected.
Rachel grinned looking over at Phoebe. “He was in love with you?”
Phoebe shrugged. “Eh, what can I say?”
“Wow, how’d it happened, when did you guys realize that you loved each other?” Rachel asked.
“Well it developed when we were having the whole week off sex.” Phoebe stated.
Phoebe dragged her feet the whole way home from work. She felt tired & gloomy. All day her boss had been making her do as many massages as possible, even though she’d had appointments & a plan for the day. She was sick of being told what to do & massaging just wasn’t enjoyable when it wasn’t a hot guy.
If she’d been massaging Joey all day she wouldn’t feel like such crap.
Now all she wanted to was go to bed & maybe cry.
She paused once she reached her floor & stood between the two apartments. Which apartment did she go into? She could go into her apartment & have a nap. Or she could go into Joey’s apartment & curl up on the couch beside him.
But there was a downside to both alternatives.
If she went to her apartment then she’d have to see Monica. She was still annoyed with Monica & Phoebe hadn’t proved her wrong yet so when Phoebe saw Monica she figured that she might just punch Monica in the face. It was best for her to just stay away from Monica until Phoebe proved her wrong.
Then again if she went over to Joey’s she wouldn’t be able to explain to him properly why she was upset & his suggestion to cheer her up would be sex.
She shrugged & began into Joey’s apartment. At least she could hang out with Joey without wanting to punch him in the face & watch him bleed.
They didn’t have to have sex, they could just make-out.
“Hey.” Joey said making his way into the kitchen just as she entered through the door. “You okay?”
“Yeah, not really.” She replied dropping her bag down & taking her coat off.
“Aww no, what’s wrong?” He asked going over to her & putting his arms around her.
She held her arms between them resting her head against his shoulder. “I had a bad day & I’m just exhausted, I wanna go to sleep.”
He pulled back. “You can’t go to sleep.”
“Well I had this great plan for us tonight.” He replied.
She sighed. “More Baywatch?”
“No, the carnivals in town, I got us tickets to the carnival!” He exclaimed pulling two tickets out of his pocket.
“The carnival?” She repeated excitedly taking a ticket from him.
“Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea.” He told her. “We could go out, spend a couple of hours there & then when we come home I’ll be all tired out & I won’t bug you about sex.”
“That’s so great.” She said. “You thought of this by yourself?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah, so you wanna go?”
“Totally.” She replied prompting him to pick up her coat & put it on her. “I’ve never been to the carnival before.”
He paused from pulling his own coat on. “What? Really? Not even when you were a kid?”
“Well no, because they won’t let you in without a ticket & tickets cost money.” She shrugged.
“These tickets didn’t cost me anything, you know why?” He replied.
“No, why?” She asked.
He grinned. “Chandler gave them to me.”
She gawked at him. “He gave them to you, really? Why?”
“Janis bought them & to get out of having to go with her he gave the tickets to me but he’s gonna tell her that he lost them.” He replied.
“I feel so bad for them, never wanting to hang out with each other, they seem really unhappy.” She stated.
He took her hand smiling to her. “Not like us.”
“Yeah, we’re gonna have fun tonight at the carnival.” She said.
He grinned nodding. “This is gonna be the coolest date ever.”
“I know & it was all your idea.” She told him planting a kiss on his cheek.
Phoebe rubbed Joey’s back supportively. “It’s okay; I’ve seen guys throw up a million times before.”
“I’m so embarrassed.” He said. “Throwing up after a kiddie ride at the carnival, what am I? A 4-year-old girl?”
“You know what you could do to make yourself feel manly?” She asked.
“You could win me a toy.” She told him.
He looked up at her quickly his eyes sparkling excitedly. “I could do that.”
“Yeah, look there’s a baseball throw game over there.” She pointed. “Come on.”
He got up a little & then paused his cheeks puffing out. He gulped loudly. “Nope, can’t walk just yet.”
“That’s okay sweetie, I’ll help you.” She said taking his arm & draping it around her neck.
“Yeah, this is good for my ego.” He muttered sarcastically as they made their way over to the ball throw.
She shrugged. “Well then hurt those bottles baby.”
With two throws Joey knocked over all of the bottles meaning that he won the choice of one of the middle-sized toys.
Phoebe clapped excitedly. “Oh yay! I’m so proud of you.”
“What toy do you want?” He asked.
She paused. “Um…” Her eyes fell upon a fat penguin wearing a ski hat, goggles & a cool vest. “Ooh! That penguin, Joey you gotta get me that penguin.”
“I’ll take the penguin.” A girl of about 8 said from the pitch beside them.
“Hey, you only want that penguin because I want it.” Phoebe snapped.
“Prove it.” The little girl teased as the penguin was handed to her. She hugged the penguin to her & then turned to Phoebe & Joey poking her tongue out at them before she left.
Joey gaped. “That little girl is mean!”
“I’m not letting her have that penguin, that’s mine!” Phoebe said angrily.
“Well Pheebs there are plenty of other toys I could get you, how about that pretty pony, huh?” Joey offered.
She raised her eyebrows at him. “The pretty pony, really?”
He shrugged. “Well, you’re a girl.”
“I want the penguin, that was the last one & that girl needs to be taught a lesson.” She stated moving off to follow the girl.
He quickly followed her. “What’s the lesson?”
“That nobody messes with Phoebe.” She said. “Hey little girl, yeah you, give me the penguin.”
“I won it.” The girl defended.
“Not before I did.” He snapped.
The girl held the penguin to her tightly. “Well, it’s mine now.”
“Nuh-uh, it was mine first.” Phoebe replied.
“Yah-huh, it’s mine now.” The girl told her.
She stepped forward quickly scaring the girl a little. “Give me the penguin.”
“Finder’s keepers, loser’s weepers.” The girl said.
“Yeah, well what if I do this…” Phoebe flicked the girl in the middle of her forehead.
“You can’t do that!” The girl snapped.
Phoebe laughed mockingly. “Uh I think I just did.”
Joey quickly went to her side. “I think the kid’s right, you can’t do that.”
She turned to him raising her eyebrows. “Losing to a little girl, does that help your ego?”
He instantly turned his attention to the girl. “Give us the penguin!”
The girl took a step back from them. “No.”
“Come on, it’s ours.” Phoebe snapped.
“Leave me alone.” The girl told them.
“Look who the weeper is now.” Joey announced.
“We’ll leave you alone if you give us the penguin.” Phoebe offered.
“It’s mine.” The girl repeated.
Phoebe sighed. “Alright Joey, I guess she won’t give it to us, we should just go.”
The girl smirked proudly as Phoebe turned back to Joey letting her guard down. “Finder’s keepers, loser’s-…”
Phoebe spun around & quickly yanked the penguin away from the girl. “…weepers, we know how it goes.”
The girl’s face turned red & screwed up. Joey was about to turn away when he saw how upset the girl was.
“Aww look how sad she is, I feel bad.” He said.
“Well give her some money then.” She shrugged.
He nodded pulling his wallet out. “Hey little girl, how about I give you some money & you stop crying?”
“Okay!” The girl grinned.
As Joey was handing the girl some money her mother walked up.
“Um, why are you giving my daughter money?” The mother asked.
Joey instantly froze his eyes growing wide with fear. Phoebe grabbed onto his wrist trying to yank him away.
“Haul ass!” She cried pulling him off into a run.